its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
