i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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