Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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