I showed him my bush... on skype.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
