so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
