laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
