Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
