I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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