Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
