So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
