I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
