Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
3pm strippers are depressing
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
