Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
