ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
