handjob tips. give me some.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i've created a new STD.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
