Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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