If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
