Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
