I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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