Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
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You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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