You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize