Got a toothbrush?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
