I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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