she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
