I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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