This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
