if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i think i have two assholes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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