when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
