So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
