In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
