they need to just BURY HIM!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
