I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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