just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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