I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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