Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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