the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
