i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
