Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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