K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We left the knife in your bed.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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