Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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