we need to drink 2009 down the drain
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Congratulations! We have a period
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
