Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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