last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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