Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
