dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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