I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Drake has all the answers
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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