The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just high enough for therapy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
