I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
