The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
