where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
