I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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