My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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