I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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