Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
