I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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