i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
