That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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