if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
where am i from again
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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