Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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