Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
