I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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