I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
