people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
