omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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