I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You are the jesus of drinking
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
