Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
