i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Say something about gay babies.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
