his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
