What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
