I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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