but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Can I color on your dick again?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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