Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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