well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
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On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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