Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
