I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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