we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
