I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
