either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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