You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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