You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
