If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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