I hate your face
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
